Date

It was Saturday. 

My first date with him. I was a little nervous because this time I wanted the relationship to work out. I knew him from the beginning days of Rajasthan. A hilly tribal belt of Rajasthan was not very livable for me. Due to the heat, my skin became brownish yellow, with rough curly hair and using scooty for 500 meters caused visible fats in my body. 

I took a bus from my place and reached chetak circle, Udaipur after completing the journey of 2 and a half hours. Suddenly, my phone rang and it was him. "Hey, I just reached. Where should I come". I asked with my anxious voice.

He said, " ok book a cab and put the location of Fateh Sagar lake."

I did the same and reached there by 30 minutes. It was a 5'o clock in the evening and the lake wowed me. The waves of the lake were actually kissing the mountains while evolving into reddish-orange due to the sunset. I opened my phone camera and tried to capture a photo. But I couldn't. 

He was standing there just in front of the Payel food store. We had a friendly hug and stayed quiet for 2-3 minutes I guess. He knew from our telephonic conversation, that I'm a little socially awkward person. So by respecting the fact he started talking. We ordered some spicy noodles and the famous cold coffee.

We talked a lot, I mean he was enquiring about my new life here in Rajasthan and I was actually answering his question or was just behaving like a good listener. 

He whispered you are not getting late right? I said obviously no. Deeply inside I was murmuring" dude I am here for us, and I would love to stop the moment". 

I was looking at him, how good he speaks, the way he was sharing his experience was eased down my worries. I never had the kind of date before. I was enjoying the butterflies in my stomach. I pinched myself, I always fantasised my date would be special. A special place, different ambience and with a reasonable and smart gentleman. It was actually happening. Honestly, while thinking about these things, I got distracted. He pinched me and asked, " dude are you here with me?" I replied cluelessly "yes". He just held my hand and kissed on my left cheek." Honestly speaking it was a very friendly gesture from his side, I also didn't feel awkward.

He smiled and said " I know you. You get bored with my stupid philosophy. So tell me are we dating?" 

Honestly, I got numb. What the fuck he is asking. Are we really dating? Am I dating this man with so much intellect and love for me? I got lost, I stayed quiet. I felt my butterflies are moving continuously in my stomach. I closed my eyes and requestioned him " are we?"

He laughed and said, "I guess so."

I won't say we are still dating but my first formal date was so amazing and extraordinary.

Anxious

Have you ever felt a storm inside you?

Have you ever hugged your pillow on your chest to stop that storm?

Have you ever prayed to god, please stop the heaviness?

I felt all together yesterday. I just grabbed my quilt and pressed my chest so badly to stay calm but I couldn't.

I tried to practice my newly excavated breathing routine, but it didn't work out. I stood more scared, worried about the situation. Voice in my head we're continuously provoking me to acknowledge my failures. Everything coming in my head was negative, about relationships, career, family, health etc.

I was getting deep into the numbness, but a small massage from my promising companion helped me get out of the situation. 

A ray of hope hit me, that what if I never sensed the first touch of love, what if I never felt how it feels when for the first time you get noticed by someone, what if I have never got any compliment on my eyes, lips, curves.  What if I never went through the pain of being ditched or being treated like an owned product. What if I never resisted the pain of heart tears. It would be harder to enter somewhere without having experience.

These incidents made me more of a person, who I am today. I am more aware of me and my needs. I am privileged. 

Suddenly, the storm broke off in me, it was such a relief. We need to analyse our lives, yes somehow in the era of the internet, social media, we are a lot more lonely as compared to our friend list but rather compromising with your emotion, take a deep breath and think twice.